yowhatsthehaps: More like Stupid by Stupidwest, AMIRITE? (Ohhhhh, DISS!) permalink
Top tweets from March 12th, 2010
goldengateblond: ME: I had a sex dream about you.
HIM: Just me?
ME: No, actually you were one of a cast of thousands.
HIM: …
ME: YES JUST YOU, DORK. permalink
gothscifigirl: My washing machine likes to bang loudly, just to remind me that it gets more action than I do. permalink
shoesonwrong: Listen, I have rules: if I don’t put on pants before 9 p.m., I don’t put them on at all. Yes, I am aware this is a Taco Bell. permalink
ruthakers: We no longer hold Sexual Harassment 101 due to Kim’s transfer and the lack of good looking women in our office
#cruellyspecificofficeposter permalink
sucittaM: Candles lit. Rose pedals on the bed. Marvin Gaye on the stereo…
What? I don’t tell you how to enjoy a burrito. permalink
sween: OH NO! SQUIDS CAN GIVE *MANY* WEDGIES! RUN! permalink
Miss_Cook: Oh sure, you dip lobster in butter and you’re "classy" but I dip my cheeseburger in butter and I’m "fat". permalink
jowyang: Playing real foursquare with foursquare founder http://twitpic.com/186g4l permalink
dropdeadchris: No, YOU enjoy singing showtunes while operating heavy machinery. permalink
roughdiction: New rule: If you retweet me more than 3 times in one day, you have to show the Internet your tits. permalink
thebenbrooks: At this point I’m pretty sure ‘Catholic priest’ is latin for ‘pedophile’. permalink
k2bf: The last time I flew on an airplane I was feeling a little over the weather. permalink
DDDBU: What’s with all the iPad talk again? Has it already been 28 days? permalink
benmarvin: I really need to stop taking advice from Yahoo Answers. I’ve got a bloody nose, super glue in my peehole, but I think I got my cat pregnant. permalink
sucittaM: Imitating a Michael Jackson dance doesn’t take much effort anymore. permalink
weselec: I didn’t fully understand the saying "ignorance is bliss" until I watched my 7 year old make herself breakfast. permalink
FakeAPStylebook: Use the American system of measurement, not metrics. Ex: Buttload, not metric buttload. permalink
markevans: Not a user but still fascinated by Foursquare. Here’s why - http://bit.ly/cpTB27 permalink
rww: Will the Real Twitterati Please Stand Up? http://bit.ly/d7TUqp permalink
2010Tweets: Watch the Opening Ceremony online tonight … here’s how: http://tinyurl.com/yb8l92v
#paralympics permalink
sween: It takes a village to give a squid a wedgie. permalink
sacca: Once again, @cdixon nails it. Indispensable advice for raising seed money: http://bit.ly/9xNSMf permalink
lancearmstrong: http://twitpic.com/184cv5 - Not getting sick of this view here in Cape Town. permalink
rww: Twitter Location? Thanks, But No Thanks http://bit.ly/9rzOm9 permalink
MrBigFists: When I hear the phrase "Luck of the Irish", I think of how Ireland fared at the Olympics & realize how much that well wish has depreciated. permalink
StillDrew: You say, "From the creator of The Notebook." I hear, "From the bringer of Death." permalink
factualfiction: Apparently, in Ben Stiller’s next sequel, Pam cheats on Greg and leaves him. It will be called ‘The Hurt Focker’. permalink
JeeNeeBee: If you sing "Sweet Home Alabama", and you don’t live there,…It’s all a lie. permalink
Moltz: 20 years ago today @mrsmoltz and I had our first date. A little late, but here’s my feedback:
AAA+++ WOULD TAKE ON FIRST DATE AGAIN permalink
TiffanyJMoore: Just heard a colleague say "muffin" so I shouted "MUFFINS!", except she was just using a pet name and long story short she’s dead. permalink
abigvictory: When you’ve got bad hair and a chin zit all you can do is wear a low cut shirt and hope people look you in the tits instead of your face. permalink
alsoyourmom: I just wish I could find a guy to love me for how great my boobs really are. permalink
Spooky_Johnson: I am the Anti-Hammer. You can touch this.
Go ahead. Touch it!
ANTI-HAMMER TIME! permalink
k2bf: The spots on my mirror from brushing my teeth are a spitting image. permalink
MeetingBoy: They replaced my Windows 2000/IE6 machine today. Now I’m on XP and IE7. Top of the line for 2006! Jealous much? permalink
donchiefnerd: I came.
I saw.
I…
Oh, shit! Does anyone know how to remove semen from woodworking tools? permalink
roughdiction: Good morning beautiful breasts of my neighbor. How did you get inside these binoculars? permalink
talks_in_maths: Nothing is over, cheese grater! NOTHING!
You drew first blood. permalink
navanax: "I pity the Flu" - Mr. T Cell permalink
