September 1, 2010
ruthakers: I want to open a Chinese Restaurant for women of a loose nature.
I’ll call it the Wok of Shame. permalink
Randazzoj: All of the employees at this Trader Joe’s look like they belong in a Fresno-based short-form improv troupe. permalink
MrBigFists: Give me Listerine or give me bad breath. permalink
adamcadwell: An un-coloured panel from my Solipsistic Pop 3 story: http://twitpic.com/2kbfjt permalink
ZachWeiner: Woo! Box Brown has a new comic strip! http://www.everythingdiescomic.com/ permalink
August 31, 2010
ohhoe: @spacecatazz good thing you’ll be barefoot so you can get some practice in when you’ll be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. ohhhh permalink
sween: Oh, Dave Matthews Band bumper sticker on a Honda Civic, would that you had a mouth so you could tell your tales of mystery and adventure. permalink
August 30, 2010
devincf: What director will win the Nobel Prize by getting Christina Hendricks naked in a movie? permalink
benmarvin: Boobs. America’s number one social media network since 1776. permalink
biorhythmist: "I’m one millionth!" - micro.
"I’m one billionth!’ - nano.
"I’m one trillionth!" - pico.
(just making small talk) permalink
BeccaPiano: @livejamie These pixels are making me thirsty. permalink
emzbulletproof: Fact: Employed men get laid entirely much more than their unemployed counterparts. Congratulations, @dexter_colt! permalink
PROMO_TWEET: IN LIGHT OF GOOGLE CHROME WORKING WITH ARCADE FIRE, MICROSOFT EXPLORER IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE ITS PARTNERSHIP WITH COOLIO. permalink
SweetRepublic: Thx! RT @BalloonsAZ: RT @TripAdvisor: USA Today lists America’s best ice cream parlors. Congrats to our @SweetRepublic! http://bit.ly/deotis permalink
MrBigFists: It’s just not scrapbooking without the "crap". permalink
SlappNuttz: I unfollowed my marriage years ago. permalink
BestWorstAdvice: Having problems with your Internet connection? Go watch porn at Starbucks. permalink
BrandonFranklin: @conrey You mean like when a hot one walks past the window of the conference room? permalink
Lilykily: Feeling raped today. By the vet who "fixed" my cat.
It was a 2 for 1 special! permalink
mat: Well, sure, I *would* wear that "Yes on 19" button but I’m pretty sure my boss would fire me if I did.
Did I mention I’m my own boss? permalink
DieLaughing: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. permalink
RexHuppke: Hurricane Earl has turned toward the East Coast and is headed straight toward a redneck-stereotype joke manufacturing plant. permalink
Toy_A: Why do jews watch porn backwards? They like to watch the hookers give the money back - my teenager permalink
tj: @abigvictory That’s not what you whispered in my ear last night. permalink
mikey_m00n: A shout out to my favorite ladies: Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, Little Debbie, Marie Callender, Mama Celeste, Mrs Paul, Molly McButter. permalink
emersunn: "I’m not angry, just passionate!" permalink
BenFolds: New York area piano tuner really needs some gosh darned work http://bit.ly/ds1BHU permalink
sucittaM: You think YOU’RE having a crazy day? I just switched deodorant scents. Total game changer. permalink
mat: Even if you send an email with the subject line "I don’t send emails," you still send emails. permalink
Sugarwilla: No, YOU’RE singing along to "Lady" by the Little River Band. permalink
August 27, 2010
GaryJBusey: Nicki married Drake? That’s obviously fake. Just to kiss the groom she combs his ‘brows with a rake. Freestyle Friday. permalink
ruthakers: I want to reassure my kids it isn’t their fault when me and their dad fight but I also don’t want to lie to them. permalink
benmarvin: Probably the best part of being a zombie would be the constant urge to do the Thriller dance like ALL THE FUCKING TIME! FOR NO BRAINSIN! permalink
mikeberard: I just a bought an album off Itunes because I couldn’t figure out how to steal it. I feel dirty. permalink
sween: I know it was a good poop when I walk away in slow-motion as the bathroom explodes behind me. I don’t look back. permalink
BreakingNews: British Airways apologizes for mistakenly telling passengers on a London-Hong Kong flight to prepare for crash landing http://bit.ly/bJDA9Y permalink
nerdbread: Off to bowling. And by "bowling", I actually mean bowling. Yeah. permalink
TheBosha: To be both lonely and ambidextrous is to be torn between two lovers. permalink
August 26, 2010
kim: Over 1,000,000 calls placed from Gmail in just 24 hours, @google? Yeah. That was me. I’m just trying to reach customer support. ;) permalink
